It's Chemistry

Jan. 6, 2008

Walking on campus sucks. In the midst of 30,000 faces I feel more alone than ever. I tried talking to a girl this morning outside of Chemistry and she faked an incoming cell call. She gave this 'sorry, but I have to take this' look. It's really starting to get to me. Jules and Bry said collage would be different. "There are no bullies in college," Bry said, "you'll be fine." I don't know what's worse: being recognized a retard or being avoided like a leper. It's my fourth semester and the only friends I've made are school faculty members. Dr. Epstein and I went to lunch last Thursday to talk about the micro project. I guess my social circle will continue to be teachers, chemicals and bacteria.

I feel so alive in the lab. I feel like things make sense. There are no mind games or ridicule. It's funny, I often think of the irony: I get teased for retreating to a world where there are no laughing faces and pointing fingers. I'm just hoping there is a girl out there feeling the same thing; and somehow we can find each other. Somehow we can live together in a kind of social exile.

Nils Strother, 19